You'll be doing double-takes reading these actual on-package product instructions that were found at a United Kingdom Web site under a lead section entitled: Are we really that stupid? Our favorites include the following examples:
On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as ice cream topping.
On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down.
On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here.
On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking.
On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children.
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required.
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a can of spray paint: Do not spray in your face.
On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
That's all, folks…for now.